In a recent video I uploaded to YouTube, I talked about that domestic violence cannot be cured without support, it can be cured with support. However, supporting domestic violence is not easy. To say that domestic violence cannot be cured, so run away or break up is not support in my opinion.
*English subtitle is available in the video.
The causes of domestic violence are diverse and complex, including the values and psychological conditions of each of the couple, their relationship with each other, the environment surrounding the family, and the economic situation. The perpetrator who cannot stop the violence will justify their inability to stop it by shifting the blame to the victim, saying, “It’s your fault for making me angry” or “It’s because you don’t keep your promises.”
In addition, the inability to stop the violence is not only a problem of the perpetrator, but may also be a problem of the victim’s response. Often, the perpetrator will suppress their anger in order to stop the violence, and prevent it by being patient. When this happens, the victim begins to vent their pent up anger and resentment on the perpetrator who is no longer violent.
When this happens, the victim begins to vent their pent up anger and resentment on the perpetrator who is no longer violent. This is the so-called reversal phenomenon. At this time, the perpetrator, who had suppressed his anger, explodes his pent up anger in order to recover his pride that was hurt by the victim. This situation is similar to the so-called Lenore Walker’ s cycle of abuse.
Those who do not have effective methods to help couples in such situations do not understand that it is the inability of the supporters to end the violent relationship, but rather shift the blame to the perpetrator by bringing up the excuse that the perpetrator does not change. In the current legal system, all such supporters can do is to separate and protect the victim from the perpetrator.
Divorce can eliminate the violence for the time being, but the problems that each person faces will remain, and many problems in life will occur even after the divorce – dependency, poverty, abuse, psychopathology, anxiety, loneliness, and so on. In order to escape such difficulties, some people may remarry because they need the support of someone else. Then each of them will naturally move into a violent relationship again, because their problems are still the same. As I mentioned in the video, even if a domestic violence couple is divorced, they may remarry and have two domestic violence families.
It has been more than ten years since the Domestic Violence Protection Act (Act on the Prevention of Spousal Violence and the Protection of Victims) was introduced, but the reality is that domestic violence has not decreased at all. It is not surprising that there is such a structural problem. So, is it possible to cure domestic violence? No, it’s not. More on that tomorrow…
Today, I’m still recovering from a cold, cough, sore throat, and a slight headache, so I’m going to take a rest early. From Friday’s Gourmet Night to Sunday’s general meeting of the Men’s Counseling Association, I did well even though I had a cold. I’m proud of myself… Well, whatever… Good night.
Originally posted on May 16, 2017
English text translated with DeepL (Japanese to English) and checked by Mina.