Last night was a Men’s Workshop with 11 participants, including two women, and the day before yesterday was a Women’s Workshop with 10 participants, including Skype participants. The theme of both sessions was “The Family Map of a 10 year old”. The idea was to map out the relationships in the original family of the 10 year old’s childhood in your own way.
The crime statistics make it clear that families are dangerous, but many people are caught up in family fantasies, and the discrepancies create difficulties and conflicts. Many of the workshop participants do not have a good family model and have experienced growing up in a harsh environment of violent and coercive control and neglect.
Women often experience the agony of their mother’s control, and men experience the hurt caused by their father’s violent behavior and neglect, but these experiences are installed in the deepest part of the heart, like air, in the unconscious realm, so they affect the operation of the applications learned after ego formation without the person being made aware of them.
Since OS is full of bugs to begin with, it’s natural that it doesn’t work according to the app’s description, but since they don’t realize it, it’s natural that it doesn’t make sense to them. So we shift the reason to an external situation. Because their partner is unfaithful, because their husband cheated on them, because their children don’t listen to them, etc., so the violence was inevitable.
In the work “The Family Map of a 10 year old”, the participants try to open the lid of their unconscious mind and see what kind of OS is built into it. What’s interesting is that I thought my family was the only one that was not good, but when we talked about it through the work, I realized that all families are very similar and there is no such thing as a normal family or normal parents and children. It’s a realization that it’s only natural for families to fail because they were raised in such families and not in a proper way.
So what do you do…in computer terms, it’s a simple task…just format a buggy operating system and install an advanced operating system with no bugs. If it’s a computer, it would take about an hour. But hey, human OSs take about ten years to install, so formatting and installing is not easy, it takes time, and there is almost no OS anywhere that doesn’t traverse in the first place, so first of all, you can’t do it on your own, and books and videos don’t really give you a concrete dialogue, so installation is difficult. Even if you get some program or counseling, it’s just a flimsy OS, it won’t work well.
That’s why Men’s Therapy will help you to install the latest, no-bug OS. As a result, new participants who had taken other programs for a while but could not improve, told us that they felt comfortable and enjoyed the two-hour session.
Dialogue that doesn’t freeze, get stuck, or get heavy…that kind of dialogue is natural and fun and comfortable, and it is a good model of dialogue that we couldn’t get with the original families. Even if the material of the dialogue is violence or divorce… It is a strange feeling, but the fact that DV men can talk and laugh about their own experiences is probably because there is a power of the place in its own way.
The people who had a great time last night and after the work were having more conversations. It was about 10:30 when the meeting ended. I was cleaning up afterwards and didn’t get home until 11:30.
Originally posted on August 28, 2020
English text translated with DeepL (Japanese to English) and checked by Mina.