It was quite rainy last Sunday, so I thought the session in Nihonbashi would not be well attended… but…

The mini-lecture was “The Family from the Perspective of Primatology and Human History” and we chatted. The theme of the workshop was “What is a family? And from noon, we had an “Egogram” session. By that time, the room was packed with about 25 participants.

When men and women talk about Egogram, the roots of their marital problems come to light. The children were making their own world in the kids’ space.

However, what I found out when we talked together was that family members are other people, but because we have become so tainted with the family fantasy, we have forgotten the care, consideration, and compassion that are natural to other people. We both think that we know each other, that we are supposed to do this and that, that we are one and the same, that we are a family, and so on, and then we end up being hurt and hurt because we feel betrayed and harassed.

If we think of each other as other people, it is natural that we have different ideas and values, and we don’t force things on each other. Also, we explain things to each other so that we can understand each other, and we make a contract rather than a verbal agreement. Some people may think that this is too distant, but I would say that such people are brainwashed by the family illusion. I think such people are more likely to have trouble with family issues. In fact, the people who come to JAFAREC are usually serious people who believe in the family illusion. Moreover, men tend to have higher Critical Parent (CP) and women tend to have higher Adapted Child (AC).

As I see more and more family problems, I realize that they are structural problems rather than individual problems, and that it is useless to bring up right and wrong or to preach about de-violence to solve problems. It’s not a cognitive problem, but rather a deep-rooted emotional and nurturing problem. My talk in the mini-course was not about the right image of the family, but about how there is no right answer to family and life, and that each person must create their own right answer.

Originally posted on March 23, 2021

English text translated with DeepL (Japanese to English) and checked by Mina.

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